BUSY-Thinking!

I have not posted for a while, I have been too busy- thinking.  Mostly about poverty, injustice, inequality and the frustration of all of it.  My Malagasy tutor  also teaches English at a vocational school.   This school is part of the public education through the Ministry of Education. The teachers have received one paycheck since January.

The director of the program lives in my banking town and seldom comes to the school.  When the teachers bring up the fact that they have not been paid, he tells them that if they cannot wait for their paycheck, they can look for another job. They all know that there are undoubtedly 50 people waiting in line for the job, so they continue to work with the promise of being paid.

I know many friends back home who are beyond disappointed in the last elections, but I can say without a doubt that the poverty, corruption and injustice I see here would never, under any leadership happen in the USA. Corruption is a huge factor in most developing countries and I see it every day. We were informed by an US Embassy political officer that Madagascar is one of the most corrupt countries in the world.

I remind myself that I am not here to “fix” anything, but to just be. And I take some comfort in the fact that my tutor does get paid from me.  The poverty I see here is not unlike what I saw in Central America. In some ways poverty wears the same face- all over the world.

I had another chance encounter.  A friend of a friend, who I have never met, who I do not know, reads my blog.  She sent me a few books and one of them is “Let Your Life Speak” by Parker Palmer.  I have never heard of Parker Palmer.  But this was just the right book at the right time. For one thing, I am a big fan of Henri Nouwen who was mentioned in the book and a friend of Parker’s.

Palmer speaks about his spiritual journey and he mentions Dorothy Day – founder of the Catholic Worker Movement. Dorothy Day lived in the slums of New York’s Lower East Side years ago. She did not just serve the poor but lived with them to share their conditions. Palmer attended a talk given by her in which she mentions the “ungrateful poor”.  He is aghast at this statement until she explains that what is meant is “Do not give to the poor expecting to get gratitude so that you can feel good about yourself”.  When our ego is involved then our giving is thin and short lived and the ones suffering do not need that kind of help.  In my days of “thinking” I have been questioning and checking my own ego. I remind myself of the fact that I am not in charge or in control here and to take it one day at a time. But some days are so heart breaking that I wish I did have the power or control to change things.

Although I am living in the same conditions as those around me, being paid the same amount as they are, I know that at some point in time I will go back to my “privileged “ life” in the United States.  That small glimmer keeps me hopeful and energized day after day.  I imagine I would have the same feelings of hopelessness if I knew this was my life and that it would not change.  

Dear John Letter

I have been in my small two room “house” for over 2 months now and it did not take long for word to get out that a single female had moved into the neighborhood. A few weeks ago, a suitor starting arriving. Small, grey and furry he came to court me at night.  After failing to persuade him in various ways that I had no interest in a relationship with him, I decided to write a Dear John letter to him and leave it on the table in the kitchen.

Dear Mr. Mouse,

Unlike some “Dear John” letters, that are difficult to write, this one comes easily. I have tried to persuade you to leave me and move on but you insist on trying to win over my affections.

I do admire how clever and smart you are, I have always been attracted to clever, smart men. It does not go unnoticed that you have skirted around the sticky mouse traps I have laid out at night.  And that you continue to come back night after night even though I have done everything to discourage you, cleaning away  every crumb of food.

Let’s be honest, this relationship will never work.  There are so many difference between us. The most obvious that you are a night person and I am a day person.  It is annoying how you wait each night until I turn off the Kindle reader, fluff my pillow, squirm around a bit to get in the right sleeping position and then I hear you knocking, vying for my attention.

Last night was the last straw.  I heard a strange sound on my mosquito net after the lights went out, and I thought, no he would not dare. He is not that audacious and insistent to try to climb up and sleep with me.  But then you jumped in bed and ran across my forehead, in what I assume was an attempt to try and kiss me.  I fell apart in utter revulsion and despair.

I have recently fallen in love with a cat down the street.  I plan to invite him to co-habitat with me.  Yes, we will soon shack up and even sleep together. I am moving on and so should you. There are 4 new nursing students who moved in down stairs.  I know for a fact they sleep on the floor in straw filled mats and do not cover their food.  I think they are welcoming you with open arms.

I truly hope you find the love, affection and food you are looking for.

Sincerely,

XXXXX

Update

We did end out relationship a few nights after the note.  I placed a large mofo ball filled with peanut butter, in the middle of a sticky trap.  He could not resist – they always say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  It was painful for both of us.  He spent a night frantically trying to free himself from the sticky trap and I spent a night wide awake listening to his desperate cries.  But in the morning, it was over.

I decided not to enter into a relationship with the cat at this time, I need time to heal from the relationship with the mouse.

Book Club

I wanted to mention before signing off that one of the best gifts I have ever received was a Kindle.  It was a going away present from my wonderful staff at my last job. I can go into my banking town each week and download 10 free books from my library. I don’t know how technology works but the fact that I can put an entire book from Columbia, Missouri library on my kindle half way across the world in a matter of seconds is beyond my comprehension.

I have read some great books, both non-fiction, fiction, classics and new publications.  “A Man Called Ove” by Fredrick Backman had me laughing and then crying.  I sort of dismissed it the first few chapters, then was desperate one night and picked it up again only to be unable to put it down.

Columbia Missouri’s community read “The Turner House” was also very good.

“The Burgess Boys” – by Elizabeth Strout – I liked a quote in there by a Somalin  who brings his family to the United States to live the privileged life, then wants to send his sons back because he realizes the USA is about “feelings” and “emotions”  what do I feel  like eating, I don’t feel like exercise, working, going to that movie.  It is hard for him to comprehend this mentality coming from where he did.

I re-read East of Eden and focused on Lizza Hamilton’s character and related to her advice about not questioning everything – just accept it.

Oh and Jayne Eyre – I forgot how miserable her life was – but it had such a happy ending!

I would love to know what you are reading – so please don’t hesitate to send some suggestions. We could start a virtual, Madagascar Book Club.

Children dancing at a festival

Yes, we have rice!!

Note the ducks in the background

Making  bricks one at a time

One of my walking routes through town

Typical scene that I run into each day