The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

The Bad

In Missouri I had been teaching English to adults for the last 3 years as a volunteer, they are eager to learn and always appreciate my service.  In Poland I am teaching children and it is a fight every day, they arrive for private English lessons after a full day of school tired, and they need to be entertained. I have to teach English and be a parent. I find some of the children a bit “cheeky” they actually say no to me and mean it. “No, I will not do this exercise until we play a game.” I already raised 3 children so this is not fun. The high school students are actually a little better to engage with.

I am in a small retirement town. Sort of like our Florida, there are too many old people here, yes I know I was called old, but I am not old, I am mature!

Since it is a small town no one speaks English. Usually in larger cities you can always find someone who speaks a little and is even willing and happy to practice a little English with you. And in large cities you also find other travelers from abroad.

I have to believe that the communism caused a lot of mental and emotional damage, I can only imagine. And those who lived through it have a more pessimistic outlook on life. I am surprised how negative my host, who is 40, can be about Poland. He was 15 when communism ended and he was raised by parents who lived through all of it. The pessimism about life in general surprises and confuses me since I have lived in Central America where the living conditions are so much worse and the people are so much happier. It speaks to how damaging communism is to the mentality and emotions of people.

Although Hungarian is listed as the 4th most difficult language to learn and Polish is the 9th most difficult, the Polish language feels more difficult than Hungarian. For example, Dzien dobry is “good day”. How would you pronounce that dzien? It is like “gen” in generation – how they get a “gen” sound out of the dz is really beyond my language skills.

The Good

Everyone bikes and walks which is delightful, I love seeing “mature adults” on bikes with their baskets full of groceries. It is nice to go outside any time and see the sidewalks full of people walking and biking about.

Dogs and more dogs. It seems everyone has a pet and they are out walking them at all hours. Dachshunds are a favorite and they all remind me of my dog Roxie.

Everyone has beautiful gardens, lots of colorful flowers, vegetables and fruit trees in their yard, I can pick and eat apples on all my walks. It is eye candy everywhere I look. Today I passed a house with a small garden in front and I spotted a huge orange pumpkin. I walk to the sea every day, and fully enjoy the sound of the ocean, the boats, sea gulls and even the sand. I have always enjoyed the ocean and always consider living close to it- when I get old that is.

The Ugly

On my 5^th week of travel I have a minor meltdown. The fun and excitement of new countries and languages starts to lose a little of its charm. I am feeling homesick for my dog, cross fit, my kids, cross fit, my wonderful neighbors, cross fit, a real American hamburger, cross fit – you get the picture. I become a little desperate to have a real conversation in English.

One day in a grocery store I am looking at a can of what I hope is tuna. Suddenly my ears perk up and I think I hear someone speaking English in the next isles. I literally drop the can of tuna, run, not walk to the next isle where I see a couple who look American. I ask them if they are speaking English and find out they are from Ohio, my home state. I tell them I am traveling alone and desperate to speak English and then a barrage of questions spill out, what are you doing on your travels? where have you been? where are you going etc. Finally, the man says they would be glad to go have a coffee with me if I would get off the floor and let go of the death grip I have on their legs. It was wonderful. Not the humiliation of begging on the floor but the conversation.

In my English classes at the high school I ask the students lots of questions so that they  have an opportunity to answer in English. What did you do on your holiday, how many siblings do you have, what are your hobbies, favorites sports, favorite shows, movies etc.

One day a student raises her hand and ask so sincerely “Ms. Tamara what are your hobbies?” I feel stunned. It has been a while since I was the one who felt seen or heard and today I am seen. Without any power to stop it I start to cry, not an ugly cry, just tears slipping out faster than I can wipe them away with the back of my hand. I manage to say – “Thank you, how nice of you to ask.” but I cannot seem to go on as I feel the emotion of homesickness and the longing for human contact form a huge knot in my throat and it will not permit me to get a word out. I compose myself and explain that traveling alone does have it moments and that I was just having “one of those days.” Then the student who asked the question gets out of her seat from the back of the class, comes forward and embraces me in a hug. Now it is all over, no way to compose myself out of this moment. I am beyond grateful for the human touch and support.

If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” ―Jean-Paul Sartre

Don’t be shocked at the loneliness we all feel at times. To sometimes feel the emptiness and near despair of loneliness is a sign of sensitivity and emotional health, don’t run from it, it is there that you will find a deeper spirituality.   Karl Rahner

Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.                   Marcus Aurelius 

At times I have been in a room full of people and have never felt more empty and alone, and I have been alone and have never felt more content and at peace.                                                            Tamara G. Oberbeck 🙂  

One of my English classes and a beautiful garden.