Barbados

When the banana companies heard about my shady banana scheme of selling their gifted bananas on the black market, they asked us to leave.

 Actually, our contract ended and we had to move on. With no new contract on the horizon, we decided to head back to Columbia, Missouri where we always kept a home for these in between times. 

I was overseeing the movers while bouncing an 18-month-old on my hip and trying to console a 4-year-old as he cried and asked why his superheroes were being put in a box. The phone rang and my husband answered it and went outside to talk for about an hour. When he returned, he ordered everyone to stop what they were doing and said to remark the boxes for Barbados. He had just accepted a contract there. I was overjoyed as there is nothing, I like better than an unexpected life changing experience.

My happiness degree went up a few notches when I found out it was an English-speaking Island and I would not have to struggle so much with the language.

Sure, my Spanish was passable but every now and then I would ask for a “libro de carne” – a book of meat, instead of a “libra of carne” – a pound of meat. It was those little endings that got me in trouble now and then.

Earlier in my career in Honduras I had an important meeting with the Minister of Health and all the dignitaries. We were to discuss the progress of my “Prevention of Blindness” program that I was introducing to the nurses. I wanted to convey the concern I had of the nurses being afraid of the changes the program brought to the table.

The expression is to have fear, tienen meido. But I inadvertently said “tienen mierda” instead of “tienen meido”, such an innocent mistake.  I did not realize that instead of expressing that the nurse had a lot of fear, I stated that they had a lot of SH**!!   

The Minister of Health’s eyes bulged out and his chin dropped to his chest aghast at what I had just said. Did I think I said something off color? Nooo, being the arrogant American woman I was, I looked around at all these Latino Macho men and thought” Hmm they don’t like an American woman telling it like it is.” So, I repeated the phrase just a little louder and emphasized the mierda with a mucho mierda – “a lot of SH**!  Fortunately, the doctor who had accompanied me to the meeting explained to the group what I meant to say and we all had a good laugh. 

We arrived on this stunning Caribbean Island with the turquoise waters and white beaches in early August. Barbados, is an island about 20 miles long and 15 miles wide, much bigger than Utila which is about 7 miles long and 3 miles wide. But Barbados is more cultured, it is a country, a common wealth of England and Queen Elizabeth was their queen.

My first encounter with the Caribbean English language was on a bus trip to the supermarket before I had the required right sided steering wheel car. I sat next to a woman who asked me a question and I was mortified to realize I did not have a clue as to what she asked. I thought this was an English-speaking country, what was she speaking?

I made a guess and told her the oldest boy with me was 5 years old. She shook her head and said no, no, and then repeated the question. I still did not understand her and said the baby on my lap was almost 2 years old.  Exasperated she pointed to my watch and said slowing “What time is it?” I almost broke down in tears to think I could not understand a simple question like this in English. But eventually I developed an ear for the pleasing Caribbean/English accent and dialect.

A few weeks later I received a call from my neighbor who was from England, and spoke in a formal, heavy English accent “Tamara, I wish to inform you that school will be cancelled today due to a tropical depression.”  “Oh” I said “thank you for letting me know”.  When I hung up my husband asked who called.  Let me remind you that we had just left San Pedro Sula where the teachers and other workers were regularly on strike due to the depressing conditions in the school and the low salary.

So, I thought for a moment and said “That was Lisa she said school was closed today. It seems the teachers here may also be on strike; something about being depressed, maybe about wages.”  About that time the entire patio furniture flew across the yard into the sugar cane field behind us and I said “Oh, wait I think that it has something to do with the weather.”

Months passed and we all became better at communicating in the proper “English” way. My 5-year-old son, who ws attending kindergarten now would say “Excuse me Mum, could I bother you for a bit more cereal this morning, I am quite fond of this brand.”

When the word got out that we were living in Barbados the visitors started arriving in groves. I had my calendar full or arrival and departure dates.

My mother-in-law who was English/Canadian came for a visit.  It has been officially documented that my mother-in-law, as well as my children, have a drop of royal blood running through them. I like reminding my children to stand up straight and not curse since they are royalty.

My mother-in-law’s grandmother was the illegitimate child of a member of the royal family back in the 1800’s. Not the queen or a princess but the cousin of a cousin of the queen. This young girl, bearing an illegitimate child was shipped off to India to give birth. The child, my mother-in-law’s grandmother, was then raised by nanny’s and sent to boarding school in India. At age 17 this young woman was delivered to Canada in an arranged marriage with Senator Boulton. My mother-in-law grew up with many formal English customs, one of which was how to prepare a proper high tea in the afternoon, which was eventually passed on to me.  She adored everything and anything to do with the royal family, especially the Queen and the Queen Mum.

I decided to take her to lunch at the famous Sandy Bay Beach Club and Hotel which has hosted the likes of Oprah, Elton John, the Beckman’s, and of course the Queen. When we approached the gate, a guard clothed in the official double-breasted suit with a white helmet hat and gloves stopped us and said” I regret to inform you Madam that the hotel is closed today in honor of the Queens visit.”

My mother-in-law and I looked at each other with enthusiasm, shock and a bit of disappointment that we were not invited. The queen of England was actually here, in Barbados visiting and we had to find a way to see her.

I thanked the guard and promptly took my mother-in-law back to our home. We rushed in and changed into our finest dresses, donned sun hats that we decorated with some flowers and ribbons and stopped on the way in town to purchase white gloves. I also took my diplomatic passport out of the safe.

We headed back to the hotel and this time I rolled down the window and in my best formal English with just a hint of an accent announced” Sir, we have come today as diplomatic spectators in honor of your Queen.”  He looked at the diplomatic passport and immediately opened the gate and I drove in. We were barely able to contain our excitement that the guard bought the line and raised the gate.

We found our way to the enormous balcony overlooking the impressive Caribbean waters and proceeded to the end of the line. The queen was working her way down the queue greeting everyone. We immediately got into the end of the line and anxiously awaited the queen to come our way. 

As the queen moved closer to us, I noticed the secret service looking at his clip board, then looking at us. He then seemed to be counting the row of guest and looking to see if the same amount of people on the list matched those in the line. Just as the queen approached, the Secret Service started to move toward us and I whispered to my mother-in-law, “As soon as we greet the queen RUN to the exit.”

And we did! We got away with a once in a life time event of meeting the Queen and not getting arrested.